abakadaegahailalang!

nakakatawa si rizza. pano daw kung hindi namin magawa yung challenge namin para bukas, "baka ano nanaman daw ang ipagawa sa amin," pano, naman kasi, kahapon, nabigyan ng make-over ng di sa oras! Ang ganda ganda niyan kahapon! Ay!

ay di niyo pa pala kilala si rizza, kasama ko sha dito sa ojt ko sa bcd. last day namin ngayon at bilang "graduation" ay binigyan kami ng dalawang assignment. hinati kami sa dalawang grupo. (shet obvious na bored ako ngayon noh?) so ganito:

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: (eto ung sa grupo ko)
This task entails an application of your creativity, your resourcefulnes, your ability to learn a new skill quickly, and your willingness to work with others in a team so as to accomplish a set goal in a limited time, with a limited budet. It also has the added benefit of letting us enjoy the benefits of your hard work. (Yan ang kala nila! Bwahahahhahah)

Working with 2 other members of your team, you are assigned to prepare and cook spaghetti and chicken lollipops, from scratch. As part of this assignment, you must: (take note mga kapatid must, not most, not mast basta must, musta ka na? may mustasa ka ba? ok, i think i ate too much a while ago)

1. Find a suitable recipe to cook spaghetti, and chicken lollipops.
2. Purchase the ingredients with the money enclosed with this envelope. (take note, nung unang binigay yung envelope, walang pera sa loob, buti may hinabol kundi...) You must prepare enough for 20 persons. (sino bang nagsabing maging matakaw kaming lahat?? tsaka baket bawal bumili ng luto na? baket baket baket?!?)
3. Bring the ingredients, and whatever utensils you think you may need, to 38 14th Stret, New Manila by 1:00 pm
4. You must commute, and note use a car (ok, this is a very confusing statement...tsaka, pweeng van?) when you purchase your ingredients and when you go to New Manila.
5. You must have the spaghetti and chicken lollipops ready by 3:00 pm
6. You may be videotaped while accomplishing this assignment. (so may spy sa labas ng bahay ko pagkagising na pagkagising ko palang?!?? Oh NO!!!)

Ayun so si rizza delle iniisip na kung anong mangyayari kung di nila nagawa yung assignment nila. mas matindi pa yun! Isipin mo magluluto ng chocolate cate este bake pala from scratch (paper? o magiging lasang scratch paper? hehe joke lang) eh ang hirap hirap tanchahin ang mood ng cake. pag badtrip sayo ung cake bigla bigla nalang babagsak yan kahit la kang ginawamgn mali. ang laboohhh wala lang. heheh naalala ko dati nagawa namin un chocolate cake ng group namin sa THE sa klase ni ms casuga. buti nalnag hindi pumalpak yun. sana bukas maayos lahat! gragraduweyt na rin sa ojt. swesweldo pa kaya kame? hehehe

Been browsing around jim's blog and it has been fun to see him write write write scribble whatever like he's writing as if there's no tomorrow. hahhaha so now, i shall try to revamp my blog again and later, i will write like theres no tomorrow. heheheh ang tamad ko. wala lang. hehehe at work and bored. a lot of things to do, a lot of issues to face oh i wish i can just lock up and wallow. :D

ni hao.

ni hao, ni jie dao we de xin le ma? bu zhi dao ni zuo tian zai xiang shen me. wo hao xiang ni, ke shi zhi shi xiang ni er yi. ni yan jing hao ma? zuo tian kan dao ni hai guai guai de. wo xi wang ni yan jing mei you wun ti. xi wang ni hui zhao dao ni de xing fu. xie xie ni de guan xin. wan an cai han yuan.

greek god?

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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Angel or Demon?

Magic

?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
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ina.

There are some times when I just want to shout, "I can't take it anymore..." or "Leave me alone..." Tell you what, I'm 19 but I feel like I'm 40 -- if I know how feeling 40 is like, this must be it.

They tell you that when people get older, they get more pessimistic. Me? I was born a pessimist turned optimist and now, trying to pretend that I'm an optimist. I've said once that my family is the biggest discouragement in my life. Ooohh, sounds awful mean. Ayaw ko rin namang sabihin yun. Pero throughout the years, I've been discouraged and shouted at enough to want to just dig a hole and stay there. They say all parents are the same pero ako ata naging particularly attached na ako that I feel that I am to blame for everything. Ewan ko ba. Malungkot lang talaga. In my family now, it's like I owe everything to my mother and because you're her child, you're not even worthy of doing something good for her. Sha lang ang tama, sha lang ang dapat masunod. Oh, I hated my tita when she texted me on my birthday and said, "Happy birthday, Charissa. Listen to your mother becuase mama knows best..." I didn't know if I should just laugh because it's so cliche or I should cry because of that revolting feeling that was forming inside of me.

I don't hate my family, but I wish they could've been more supportive. Sure, they are in their own way...but my mother, is an entirely different story. I feel indebted to her, not just for the basic fact na niluwal niya ako dito sa mundo, but well I feel indebted to her because she makes me feel indebted to her. "Wala kang makain kung wala ako, bingi at pipi ka na sana..." Oo, wala akong reklamo, ang nanay ko ay isang magaling na tao. Yun nga lang ang problema, dahil magaling sha, minsan feeling niya, tama na siya palagi. She's nearing her 6th decade, it's really gonna take God's miracles to make her open her eyes. As for me, I'm just tired of hearing about money all day, listening to sermons about cabinets, clothes, men, women and food.

Sure, mama knows best indeed. But please, let us have our lives naman. Not because we got it from you, it means that we have to repay you forever and we're merely your responsibility. I just don't get it.

Tinanong kahapon sa class, why I'm in psych. Una kasi noon ayaw ko lang talaga pumasok sa bus company namen. Pangalawa, kase ayaw ko lang talaga mag management. Pangatlo, kasi nakakasira na ng bait yung buong pamilya ko kailangan na talagang mabigyan ng pangalan yung mga kasiraan ng ulo nila.

Sadly, I think before I'll be able to do all the psychologizing I need, ako na mismo masisiraan na. There's only so much that a 19 year old girl can do and take. Sure, I'm in the prime of my youth happy to take any challenge head on. Pero kung halos buong buhay mo, napiga ka na, baka wala nang matira pag tanda ko.

One of my greatest fears is to be like my mother, for one, I don't want my kids to write like this. It's too painful. Sabe ng nanay ko, malalaman ko lang lahat kung nanay na ko, pero sana pag dating nung panahon na yon, hindi ko rin malilimutan kung pano ang nararamdaman ng isang anak.

Pagod na ko. Di lang sa pamilya pero sa kahit ano. After all, what seems to be my greatest strength is also my greatest weakness. Nakakaubos ng lakas.

Masarap nalang sumigaw, tama na, iwan niyo na ako.

Sa nanay ko, advanced happy mothers day po. May God's miracles work...

Get me out of here.

itchy and scratchy

I have no idea WHY but I've been itching to go out of the country this summer. My last trip was last December and well, it wasn't that long ago, but there's just a feeling of wanting to hop on a plane and get out of here. My destination in mind right now? Singapore.

Airfare is quite low (with lodging even) though not P600 peso airfare I've heard about. But still, it seems worth it to just get out and see the world. It's like being an Aiesecer without the hassle of being a trainee. Hahaha and with more cultural immersion. Oh gosh, I wish I get to go... wheeee

wanna wanna wanna get outta here now. hehe

Pencil Marks and Erasures

Thought as for the moment:

A clean screen is about to get messy with the erasures I've been trying to do with the pencil marks of my mind.

Scattered Psychoholic Thoughts:

Have you ever tried to draw on a piece of rough paper using a #1 Mongol Pencil and trying to erase them afterwards? When I was younger, my mom had a box of those pencils locked up in the "Special" drawer. My siblings used to say I was a spoiled brat because I got to have more pencils than when they were younger. I abused those pencils, losing them even when they were still long, breaking them after a while. I was a pretty destructive child. I liked writing with a certain force that gave me that callus in the middle finger of my right hand. I liked erasing to a certain cleanliness that I usually end up putting a hole in the pad paper, then I had to rewrite the whole thing again...

I realized around a decade after, that I write my life stories the same way I write with #1 Mongol pencils, and sadly, I erase the same way too. I hit the paper hard, (whether mine or not) and try to erase until the whole burns through. (note: it's "try to erase...")

I went to church this morning and the pastor was talking about taking a step to become like a shining star. He was saying something that this is NOT about just saying "this is what I want to do" but rather, it's abuot taking a step to evenutally get there. I lied just a few minutes ago, telling my sister that my recent longing for a change, or for a transformation wasn't about him, because that him was an issue I got over with a long time ago. Yeah, SUPPOSEDLY. In the beggining, I gave myself 2 years to get over my emotional baggages, quiet my life, find my concentration and happiness. Until eventually, I realized that at almost the end of a year's span, that I am too stubborn to let go. His mere presence, makes me stop and turn around once more. It is only recently, at the 12th month that I realized, I have to take a step, and I decided to do it.

No, I won't just get up and go and forget this person. That's too drastic a measure, after all, I never believed that we should forget people who've touched our lives. But what I shall do perhaps, is simply store him in my threshold of memories and remember that I have such a memory to go back to. A certain period of events in my life, which I have learned from. Those events were lessons learned the hard way.

I'm still learning, in fact.

Right now, my step is towards the future. To see what opportunities await me, to know what dreams I should chase after, to see which plans to really fulfill. It's crazy that after such a long time, I centered a lot of my thoughts to one person. I still don't consider it wrong -- I mean, what's wrong with learning and trying to give all your best for a certain other? Nothing. It's just that personally, I think I forgot about my real center. I've been going to church regularly, but it seems that I've been neglecting my personal relationship with God. I've been praying only when I am hurt (hell lot of times, but still), I've been reading the Bible only when I felt like it, I've been going out of focus, and life's really been so erratic. Maybe it's about time, I take some time to straighten things out with God a bit. Don't worry, I am not blaming anyone. Because in reality, I know, that in this aspect, I was the one at fault.

I took a lot of turns in the path given to me by the Lord. I'm not blaming you (if you're reading this) because somehow, inside me, I know it was I who took the wrong turns, who drove on the wrong lanes, who made a lot of people stumble and fall. So, today, I decide, that maybe, it's about time to take a different path, hopefully this time, it's the right one.

I've been talking about letting go, talking about leaving and not turning back, talking about shelving memories and talking about looking forward -- yeah, I've been doing this for a million times already... It's pathetic to hear it again. But I shall do all that I said and do more.


What about the person?

Should I just burn a whole into his pad paper and leave him to submit a badly done work? No. I doubt that I can do that. Maybe, if the person is willing, I will help him do another. After all, I can still see him in different, but better light.

I've been writing on people's papers since I was born. I've been marking each and everyone of them sometimes with good stuff, sometimes with bad stuff. Mistakes, I try to erase, but sometimes, I burn a whole with my erasures. But pencil marks and erasers are never complete with life's boundless pad papers.

Hope to have more to write on. Hope to have less to erase.