1H 2012

Call it whatever you want - quarterlife crisis, stress, independence, living on your own, anything, really.

Somewhere in the 2nd quarter of this year, I've decided on a lot of personal things - renew my gym membership, take up a personal trainer's help, go to a retreat, try to hear God more, buy a car, pay for a condo, sign up for a 3 day detox program, and most recently, hire a part-time helper.

I can't say all the fruits of those decisions are visible - but I'm believing that there will be good fruits out of these decisions, and hoping that they will all contribute to my future well-being.

I'm sharing this experience simply because I think what I've done in the half year that passed may be rash, too quick, and just not thought of... But then, who cares, I'm deeming 2012 a year of change. 

Now on to the next half.

And may God be my guide in all this. 
 

sigh

i feel excessively needy today.

....

the last time i went home, hk felt more xonfortable to stay in for sone more time. things change.

Yes, I admit, I do have a dark side, and more than that, I've embraced that part of me too. (in response to one of my superior's comments the other day)

dear...

sigh, i really am truly sorry for my outburst today.  i was really just trying to get through my day.  a matter of slightly wrong timing and a combination of probing questions are not really the best combination for me.

where are you going? who are you with? is that the only person you are going out with? although i understand the intentions are nothing but friendly and chatty, it felt somewhat like an interrogation of sorts.  which didn't really fit into my mood, nor anything else in the day.  there are really just some days that i would like to get by and that i don't have to say what i did, where i went and it's not because i have anything to hide, but it's because i just want to try to get on a day without having to report something exciting or think of what to say...

my life here is quite boring.  i sleep in, i do the laundry, i go out occasionally, but i basically just try to get by.  i go to work, i try to do my work well, but there's really nothing to share.  no romances, no exciting adventures - and even if i did, i will feel slightly rebuked when i start to share.  sometimes, just listen, stop asking. your advice is truly truly valuable to me, but sometimes, just listen.  the reason why i tell you is because i want you to hear, but at the same time, i do want to try to learn and experience things my way.

i'm really sorry i was in a bad mood today - it wasn't because of you. it's always me.  but really, there are just days where i need to get by on my own, listen to myself and just be.

i'll speak to you tomorrow.  and let's hope everything gets better then.  good night.

remembering

My dear friend,
I don't think it was that long ago, but just now I thought of you.  I haven't heard from you in a while now, but somehow, I don't really want to bother you as well.  I have a feeling you have forgotten me.  Not me as an existent human being (i hope) but i think you have forgotten the basis of what made us friends in the first place, but what the heck, who's counting?

We may never cross paths again, but I just want to say, I thought of you today.