noong bata ka, bibigyan ka ng papel ng iyong guro, at isusulat sa pisara, 'iguhit kung ano ang gusto mong maging paglaki mo...' tandang-tanda ko pa noon, guguhit ako ng isang stick figure tapos may pisara sa likod. sasabihin kong gusto kong maging guro. ewan ko kung ginawa ko ito para matuwa yung mga guro ko (kung natuwa man talaga sila) o dahil gusto ko talaga yon. o baka naman yon lang alam kong iguhit, di talaga ganoon kalinaw sa akin. pero dahil nga iyon at iyon lang rin ang aking iginuhit, iyon ang aking nagsilbing pangarap, maging isang guro imbes na maging isang bumbero, pulis at kung ano pa.
nang natapos na ang mga taon ng pagguhit at pumasok naman at panahon ng pagsulat, nagbago ang aking pangarap, o siguro natutunan ko lang kung paano baybayin ang salitang "businesswoman" at iyon lang ang isinusulat ko sa tabi ng "AMBITION:______" sa hindi na mabilang na autograph book ng aking mga kaibigan habang ang iba naman ay iniisip maging doktor, abogado at kung ano...
naisip ko lang ngayon, bakit sa panahon na iyon, hindi ko lubos matulak ang sarili kong isulat na nais kong maging guro...naging pangarap ko nga ba?
tumagal din ang panahon ng mga autograph book, pero natapos din naman. habang tumatagal ang panahon, dumadami ang mga natutunan...lumabas ang mga computer at nangarap akong maging isa computer engineer o kung mayroon ba talagang computer scientist, yon ang inisip kong gawin habang buhay...pero nawala din ang hilig, lumipas...tulad ng pangarap maging isang guro at ang hilig na maging isang negosyante. unti-unting nagbabago, sa matiyagang paghubog ng panahon...
matapos ang lahat, late bloomer ata ako, naisip ko namang mag communications para maging abogado o kaya journalist ako sa future, pinagsawaang pangarap ng aking mga kaibigan sa mga slum book, bigla lang naging akin...iyon yung mga panahon na naisip ko na magagamit ko ang aking pagiging madaldal at ang aking hilig sa pagsulat..pero tulad ng ibang pangarap, lumipad rin.
parang wala na ata akong patutunguhan iniisip ko non...
dating ang panahon ng pagpili ng kurso, diyos ko, ang dami...minsan naalala ko ang mga kaibigan kong alam na alam na kung ano ang gusto nilang gawin sa mga buhay nila. yung iba, no doubt accounting na, may iba naman no doubt management...
and at the back of my mind, ang iniisip ko lang, 'lang ya, ano kaya?' siguro ang isa sa pinakagusto ko noong high school ako ay iyong pangarap kong maging BIR o kaya customs commissioner...diba ang saya non?
tumigil ata ang magic wheel of fortune sa kursong psychology kaya eto ako ngayon. pero sa totoo long, naging pangarap kong makatapos ng kursong ito kasi napakalawak niya, sabi ko nga lagi it can contain me... sa mag-aapat na taon ko dito, ang dami ko nang naging pangarap...
gusto kong mag SPED para makatulong sa mga special kids pero may takot ako, kaya parang inaatrasan ko nanaman. gusto kong maging clinical psychologist specialize sana sa mga bata kasi gusto kong makatulong, pero parang nawawala din...gusto kong maging HR personnel para kahit papaano sabak ulit sa corporate, kaso nung summer gusto ko na rin yung trabaho ko sa BCD na DM, sort of advertising marketing...pero ngayon, bigla naman naging pangarap ulit maging neuropsychologist kasi malapit sa akin yung topic ng neuro...ewan. ang dami lang talaga...
oo nga, balak ko pang mag NMAT sa december, malay mo, biglang mag med school, maging doktor...
ang daming pangarap na dumating at umalis na...pero eto paren, patuloy na nagbabago ang gusto, san kaya ako matatapat? san kaya muna magpapahinga ang mundo ng pangarap?
:)
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
...faith indeed...
i received a text message a few days ago about a child who simply recited the alphabet to God because she said God knew what she needed and it's God who's going to put them altogether... feels the same way now, actually...
So Lord,
[A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z] these Lord, raised to the nth power so You can use them as many times as You want in my life.
I don't know what to ask for anymore, what to plead for, what to do...So, God, it's a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z...raised to the nth power. Thank you.
So Lord,
[A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z] these Lord, raised to the nth power so You can use them as many times as You want in my life.
I don't know what to ask for anymore, what to plead for, what to do...So, God, it's a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z...raised to the nth power. Thank you.
school bukol + uhhh
School has started again. You see kids dragging their moms to buy the Barbie stroller bags at National Bookstore, or if not, the Ragnarok one's for the boys. They choose the notebooks with Sandara Park on the cover, or if not, Hero Angeles. Sometimes, I wonder, with all the jazz that comes with the opening of the schoolyear (oh yeah, I forgot to mention, parents slaving over their jobs just for the extra money, getting a loan from the SSS, or 5-6 people...) how come, the Philippines still has a low literacy rate?
Children, when they graduate from High school (if they ever do) or elementary, a lot of them still know not how to read or write. I wonder what's the point of sending them to school even...We babble about how education seems so important to all of us, how it is the only treasure that parents can leave to their children, but what's all they hype with the opening of classes and the expenses when no one really learns from the teachers who still sell tocino, longganisa and biko to their students (for extra income)?
I'm not from a public school, I never was. But I had a few encounters with them when I was younger. Back in grade school, we had math seminars in Quirino High School. It's in Quezon City, the teachers who taught us were, public school teachers. They taught us, we learned, so I don't think that the teachers have a problem when it comes to teaching, so do all fingers point towards the students now? Not so. The teachers, though without fault in teaching, have a problem with discipline. And well, how could undisciplined teachers ever produce disciplined students?
For example, I remember sitting in one of those classmates with one of my Jubilee classmates. We were teased for being Chinoy, always looked upon like aliens and such, there's this vague memory of a teacher telling my friend in class, "one day, my student, if you become the president, I will jump in front of everyone and say, 'estudyante ko yan, estudyante ko yan, intsik yan, intsik yan, .... beho pa'" and everyone then laughed at us... Mind you, at that moment, it was really awkward to have someone you should be respecting make fun of you...
Sabi nga nila diba? Ang bata ginagaya ang mga nakatatanda...
But it isn't all the teacher's fault, we can always add in irresponsible parents who never find the time to teach their kids (either walang oras or hindi rin sila nakapag-aral :( ), parents who spoil their children and don't send them to school when they cry, parents who simply keep on producing children without planning what they can do to better the lives of their already existing basketball team... things like that...
But individuals never liked to be blamed. I can testify to that. SO we blame the government and the government go blames God and the church and whoever comes their way. ORYT already. I'm ranting. So stop first, I haven't had sleep and I want some coffee.
Care to sit with me?
Children, when they graduate from High school (if they ever do) or elementary, a lot of them still know not how to read or write. I wonder what's the point of sending them to school even...We babble about how education seems so important to all of us, how it is the only treasure that parents can leave to their children, but what's all they hype with the opening of classes and the expenses when no one really learns from the teachers who still sell tocino, longganisa and biko to their students (for extra income)?
I'm not from a public school, I never was. But I had a few encounters with them when I was younger. Back in grade school, we had math seminars in Quirino High School. It's in Quezon City, the teachers who taught us were, public school teachers. They taught us, we learned, so I don't think that the teachers have a problem when it comes to teaching, so do all fingers point towards the students now? Not so. The teachers, though without fault in teaching, have a problem with discipline. And well, how could undisciplined teachers ever produce disciplined students?
For example, I remember sitting in one of those classmates with one of my Jubilee classmates. We were teased for being Chinoy, always looked upon like aliens and such, there's this vague memory of a teacher telling my friend in class, "one day, my student, if you become the president, I will jump in front of everyone and say, 'estudyante ko yan, estudyante ko yan, intsik yan, intsik yan, .... beho pa'" and everyone then laughed at us... Mind you, at that moment, it was really awkward to have someone you should be respecting make fun of you...
Sabi nga nila diba? Ang bata ginagaya ang mga nakatatanda...
But it isn't all the teacher's fault, we can always add in irresponsible parents who never find the time to teach their kids (either walang oras or hindi rin sila nakapag-aral :( ), parents who spoil their children and don't send them to school when they cry, parents who simply keep on producing children without planning what they can do to better the lives of their already existing basketball team... things like that...
But individuals never liked to be blamed. I can testify to that. SO we blame the government and the government go blames God and the church and whoever comes their way. ORYT already. I'm ranting. So stop first, I haven't had sleep and I want some coffee.
Care to sit with me?
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
hayunnn...
Tapos na ang pagluto ng chicken lollipops. masaya naman. halos tatlong oras na pagtanggal ng buto ng pakpak ng manok at pagprito nito. Halos magkaroon pa ng peklat habang buhay dahil di sinasadyang natapunan ng mantika ng katabi kong nagpriprito rin. Ganyan talaga ang buahy...
Parang naiisip ko, kailangan kong mag-isip ng kung anong "profound" na bagay para maisulat dito at maibahagi sa inyo, (kung may nagbabasa man) pero ngayon, wala, blanko, gusto ko lang maglabas ng kung ano man tong nararamdaman ko.
Madalas akong magalit sa mga panahong ito, di na rin namang masasabing dahil sa init ng araw kasi nga bumabagyo na dito sa pinas (palibhasa uuwi na kasi si jim) basta lang, mainit ang ulo sa lahat ng nasasalubong o siguro more specifically sa mga taong sinusubukan pangaralan ako, at pwede na rin sa mga taong nakita ka palang ay nakasimangot na sayo (kahit wala kang ginagawa, HONEST) Feeling ko nga sa dalas ng pag-init ng ulo ko, nagiging halimaw na ko.
Sa katotohanan, gusto ko lang namang magpakatahimik, kahit sandali lang. Parang, ang sarap sabihin, "teka, gagalaw lang muna ako sa mundo ko..." Nakakabobo din kasi minsan makipagsabayan sa mga tao. Kaso sabi ng iba, hindi ko naman daw talagang kayang tumahimik (hay, point taken) ...
Sa ngayon, parang punung-puno lang yung utak ko. Pero kung tanungin mo ko kung anong laman, di ko rin masasagot. Kasi basta alam mo lang marami, pero di mo masagot kasi kung sabihin mo pa, di rin naman magegets ng ibang tao kung bakit mo iniisip yung mga bagay-bagay na yon. Ngayon, alam ko na yung feeling ng taong tinatanong ko, "what's bothering you?" Humihingi po ako ng paumanhin...dahil ngayon alam ko na kahit tanungin ko sa sarili ko, "what's bothering you?" ako mismo, ayaw kong sagutin yung sarili ko... It's like "alam mo naman, so there's no point in telling you..." anlabo talaga.
Nung isang araw, wala lang gusto ko lang ikwento, nagpalit ako ng casing ng telepono... from the original (full of scratches) white to a transluscent pink na narealize ko nung madilim na sa kwarto eh, glow in the dark pala sha. alang ya. ngayon, my glow in the dark phone keeps me company whenever i cant sleep. In other words, kasama ko ang aking telepono sa pagmumuni-muni. wehehehehe
Kagabi, naisip ko, sana, imbes na nag-aaway lang kami lagi ng isang tao, nakabuo na siguro kami ng jigsaw puzzle. Gusto ko kasi maexperience yung makabuo ng jigsaw puzzle...
ala lang...mashado lang sigurong maraming gusto.
Parang naiisip ko, kailangan kong mag-isip ng kung anong "profound" na bagay para maisulat dito at maibahagi sa inyo, (kung may nagbabasa man) pero ngayon, wala, blanko, gusto ko lang maglabas ng kung ano man tong nararamdaman ko.
Madalas akong magalit sa mga panahong ito, di na rin namang masasabing dahil sa init ng araw kasi nga bumabagyo na dito sa pinas (palibhasa uuwi na kasi si jim) basta lang, mainit ang ulo sa lahat ng nasasalubong o siguro more specifically sa mga taong sinusubukan pangaralan ako, at pwede na rin sa mga taong nakita ka palang ay nakasimangot na sayo (kahit wala kang ginagawa, HONEST) Feeling ko nga sa dalas ng pag-init ng ulo ko, nagiging halimaw na ko.
Sa katotohanan, gusto ko lang namang magpakatahimik, kahit sandali lang. Parang, ang sarap sabihin, "teka, gagalaw lang muna ako sa mundo ko..." Nakakabobo din kasi minsan makipagsabayan sa mga tao. Kaso sabi ng iba, hindi ko naman daw talagang kayang tumahimik (hay, point taken) ...
Sa ngayon, parang punung-puno lang yung utak ko. Pero kung tanungin mo ko kung anong laman, di ko rin masasagot. Kasi basta alam mo lang marami, pero di mo masagot kasi kung sabihin mo pa, di rin naman magegets ng ibang tao kung bakit mo iniisip yung mga bagay-bagay na yon. Ngayon, alam ko na yung feeling ng taong tinatanong ko, "what's bothering you?" Humihingi po ako ng paumanhin...dahil ngayon alam ko na kahit tanungin ko sa sarili ko, "what's bothering you?" ako mismo, ayaw kong sagutin yung sarili ko... It's like "alam mo naman, so there's no point in telling you..." anlabo talaga.
Nung isang araw, wala lang gusto ko lang ikwento, nagpalit ako ng casing ng telepono... from the original (full of scratches) white to a transluscent pink na narealize ko nung madilim na sa kwarto eh, glow in the dark pala sha. alang ya. ngayon, my glow in the dark phone keeps me company whenever i cant sleep. In other words, kasama ko ang aking telepono sa pagmumuni-muni. wehehehehe
Kagabi, naisip ko, sana, imbes na nag-aaway lang kami lagi ng isang tao, nakabuo na siguro kami ng jigsaw puzzle. Gusto ko kasi maexperience yung makabuo ng jigsaw puzzle...
ala lang...mashado lang sigurong maraming gusto.
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