staying

There seems to be a lack of space for creative or even critical writing in my blogs these days. And today's entry is neither. It's a plain and simple rant, rave, update about my life.
For the past two months, I have been turning thoughts in my head over and over again just to come to the decision whether or not I should take my scholarship in China and leave for a year or simply continue pursuing job applications that almost drove me crazy.
Not that there were rejections left and right, I had my share of rejecting offers as well. Tangina, sigurista, fresh graduate pero I wanted to get a job that I felt was right to start on. Other friends have already started and it seems that you're the only one left behind. It was crazy. Parang nakakaiyak nalang araw-araw.
But here I am now, finally decided.
I will stay.
Why?
Much to the dismay of the Department of Foreign Affairs, and soon, my Chinese class professors at Ateneo, I have decided to stay. Gave up a once in a lifetime opportunity for a full scholarship in Beijing Language and Culture University simply because it "didn't feel right." For the people reading this who want to kill me now, please feel free to do so (through comments please and not literally). But then, that was what it was, it didn't feel right. Leaving simply left so much of a burden on my heart, not to mention a big whole in the pockets of my mom and siblings since I simply "NEEDED" an upgrade in my accomodations because I can't and will not stand for a communal bathroom that is shared throughout the floor of the dorm.
Many may be thinking, "arte talaga ng babaeng to..." I heard from a source that someone actually reacted "I never thought Cha was high maintenance" when this person heard of my bathroom dilemma. But I simply couldn't. As "ko-boy" or as "game" as I may be in my groups, there are limits when it comes to living away from home and well the first thing is basically a clean bathroom in the room where at least I can have a bit of privacy.
Don't you think I have a point?
So there, I am not leaving. Staying, yes.
For the people who rocked my world and helped me out through my decision making process, thank you so much for being supportive and critical of the stuff that surrounded the decision. I will find the courage to thank you all personally soon but for now, thank you. :) And to everyone else, thanks for simply being there. You're presence, whether online or personal is enough to keep me going.
For now, my train of thought is broken. But my message is sent. I am not leaving (for the people who wished i left, malas niyo nalang) and thanks for everything.
Later dear friends.

ANNOUNCEMENT:

JUBILEE BATCH '02
YEARBOOK IS OUT ALREADY!

THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

IT CAN NOW BE PICKED UP AT THE
E.RODRIGUEZ CAMPUS

"coming out day"

like someone who wants to check if the rain outside is finally over,

i tentatively take a step forward,

towards the door,

finally pushing it,

to take a little peek...

sunshine?

i can't believe it.

i look again...

sunshine?

you must be joking!?!

but another look says, indeed it was bright and the sun is shining.

i take another step,

half my body out now

no rain.

just some damp ground starting to bake in the sun.

another foot out...

ok...

i take a deep breath

let's go.

it's not everyday that sunshine comes to visit.