it's been eight years dad...and i think life's going from good to bad to worse...i dunno what the difference will be if you were here...maybe all of us wouldn't be this crazy...maybe all of us wouldn't be this stupid...or maybe all of us would be...would be just the same...

matagal nang tanga...laging mali...hindi ako yung tipong taong makakacomfort sayo pag hiningi mo...hindi ako yung kayang sumunod o maisip ka o kung ano man. sabi nga ng isang matalik na kaibigan, wala raw akong puso. pero sino bang magkakaroon ng puso kung ganon ang pamilya mo? mahal ko sila, tangina, oo, kahit wala akong puso, mahal ko sila. Yung wala ka lang magagawa kasi nandiyan eh. Ako daw yung laging self-seeking, gusto ko lang isipin na hindi ako ganoon ka sacrificial. Sasagipin ko ang sarili ko kasi kelangan eh, ayoko bumagsak tulad nilang lahat. Ayoko bumagsak kasi inaasahan din naman nila akong di ako bumagsak. Kaya sige lang lipad, pahinga sandali tapos lilipad nanaman. Nakakapagod, hindi lang siguro nila alam yon. Yung tipong ikaw ang nasa dulo, wala nang pag-asa, tapos aasahan ka. Oo, wala akong puso, hindi ba yon naman ang nais nyo? Na matuwa lang sa kung anong gusto niyo, at hayaan ko nalang ang sarili ko... Tangina, ayaw ko nang mangyare yon. Plastikan nalang, lagi na...Nakakapagod...Pero kahit ganito, mahal ko parin sila, pucha, pamilya eh.

Minsan naisip ko kung may patutunguhan ba ako sa buhay dahil sa kung anu-ano nalang ang ginagawa nila sa buhay ko. Kung noon, sige na lang ng sige, tanggap nalang tanggap, parang ngayon, ayaw ko na. ewan. ewan. ewan.

suko na talaga ako, sabagay, hindi naman importante sa kanila, di na naman nila ako maaasahan. sabi nga kasi, makasarili daw ako.

cge, paalam.

argh

It's been a while. Writing gets boring and tiring after some time, you know? But well, I just want to say I'm so damn frustrated...Argh, my greatest dream right now, is to simply squeak by thesis class with a D...oh God, I need help.

All the finals are comprehensive. Whoa! glory be! I'm soooo excited. Mom's coming home from China today, oh that means no more bumming. I have to go pick her up, argh i have a long test and a case study to finish. I wanna say I hate being a student but I know in the end I'll regret it. Argh. whatever. I hate being a student.

Abnormal Psych is abnormal with a slow-speaking teacher and lots of papers. Thank God for bonus points or else I'll swear it off forever. Theology sucks because I get stupid grades for quizzes. Man, what does he expect? Us to memorize Rerum Novarum? What the hell is that? Which reminds me, I have to get a reading before I leave. Oh, heaven help me. I can't take it anymore. Thesis? What about thesis? I don't KNOW!!! Argh, too much frustration, too much too much, i cant wait for vacation and I can just throw all of it away. I havent been this irresponsible for such a loooonnnnggg time. Comparative anatomy, oh let's just not talk about it.

I give up. or well, i dont know. argh argh argh is all i can say.