wala wala wala wala lang

Finally, I got to buy to Eraserheads Anthology that Ive been wanting to buy since it came out. hahaha somebody ought to be proud of me. its been a long time since i went into a music store and actually got myself some originals. hay, the greatness of pirating your own cds...ok, dont arrest me.. O nga pala, sinong pumalit kay Bong revilla sa paghuhuli ng mga pirata?

I got to watch big fish at katie's place today and when i left, well, the rain was pouring and it almost killed my poor purple payong...hehehe it was a boring movie at first but towards the end, it picked up and well closed with flourish naman in fairness. it reminded me of a book i read some months ago entitled river boy..they work under the same philosophy somehow. you guys should read it sometime.

i got my brother a shirt and a pair of socks. at first i wanted to get him a pair of climacool slippers but there was no size and i guess it wasn't meant to be his...

now, let's see? what happened to me today? i like philo class even if my prof gave me a 1.0 for my first quiz. it helped me gauge how to figure out the situation but anyway, yun, i got a 1.0..its a freakin D so i gotta be more careful in the future. i like talking and thinking at the same time but writing and thinking? that's harrrddd..

ok, im babbling. hahahaha im listening to with a smile right now. it reminded of the time when my sister was still working at metrobank and it was on top of the charts then..damn, i feel so old... at 18? im old. hahaha I cant believe its been about a year na since the rain poured on my birthday party, exag tlaga yun.. hahaha bumuhos blessings ko. it's been a pretty eventful year.. labo ko ba? nag-eevaluate na ko e d pa naman end ng year..

i saw jim stip and billy today. they all went to ateneo. i miss being one of the boys and just laughing with them. and oh yeah, i got my mom to eat at mexicali's. and well, i think ive had enough evaluation for the day...

yeah, i think.

Run

I told my friend once, gusto kong tumakbo and he offered to run with me for the sake of I guess, feeling niya, he was succeeding in getting me to jog and exercise... Pero gusto kong takbo non, yung ala forrest gump. Yung tipong malayo na. Dere-derecho lang sha. WHen someone told him to run, he just ran...and well I was telling myself to run and to feel the wind..kaso di ko nagawa. Hanggang ngayon di parin. It helped na umuulan sa labas, tsaka, sabagay, anong border naman ang i-cro-cross ko dba?

Gusto ko lang tumakbo, wind on my face, parang hinahatak ako pabalik. Gusto ko yung ganon, dala ka ng hangin, tumatakbo, pati thoughts mo di ka mahabol... its like you're leaving them behind..

kausap ko si PJ kanina, i gave him a 25% green and 75% blue analogy. Im getting weirder by the minute.

I feel like whining again, I got adele's virus i think.

I was listening to Jen Love Hewitts old old cd a while ago... and well, it was refreshing to hear old sounds again. Now, its the grad cd na i got from jeco. inuubos ko na yung mga old cds ko. i wanna buy the eraser heads anthology and at the same time get something for my brother for his birthday on thursday.

bilis bilis ng araw malapit na mag 7th month... its just like one occasion after the other. by the way, jimson's home. i decided not to celebrate my birthday this year. wala lang, parang useless din naman magcelebrate lagi, ewan ko ba, but maybe ill change my mind.

some people think im already insane, let them. some people think im thinking something else, let them. who cares, im sure they dont. i know what im doing. whats the point? nothing. i gotta go.

E, may toothbrush ka ba?

Noong isang ara, ibinalak kong magsulat tungkol sa mga dilaw - tulad ko dilaw, pero sa mata ng mas matatanda ako'y hilaw na dilaw.
Akala ng nakakarami na kami'y mayaman - mga prinsipe't prinsesa na walang alam kundi mang-abuso't mang-utos. Di ba nila alam na pambili nga lang ng toothpaste ay wala kami? Nakakahiya, ano ba naman yan?
Swerte pa ako kung ihahambing sa ibang tao. May matitirahan naman kasi ako, may nakakain pa naman, kahit minsan di mo na alam kung san na nanggagaling ang ipinambabaon sayo. Nakakabaliw. Pero hindi naman yan ang usapan ngayon. Gusto ko lang talaga pagusapan ang dilaw o un nga ba? Ginawa tayong iba iba ng Diyos, ano man ang tawag niyo sa Kanya ay hindi ko alam pero isa lang rin naman kami sa maraming lipi ng tao sa mundong to noh. Ano ba ang nagpapaiba sa amin? What makes us so different? Ayun, diba? ang drama na ata nito corny to death. coño pa ng dateng. bwiset.
Dahil lang ba iba ang kulay natin?
Bakit nga ba pumasok ang yaman kapag nikikita niyo kaming mga "Chekwa't Instik"? Dahil ba malapit ang kulay namin sa ginto o dahil lang sa pag-unlad nila Lucio Tan at Henry Sy at kung sino pang singkit na tulad ko sa bansa?
Di naman lahat kami anak nila para kidnappin at patayin. Diyos, ko, don't tell me hindi niyo alam yon ha??
Wala naman akong galit sa totoo lang, wala talaga. Pero bakit parang ikaw, oo? Ano ba ang ginawa ng dilaw sa iyo? Yellow just aint your color? Hay...ako rin ata eh kaya puro blue nalang ang suot ko - kulay atenista....
Sa simbahan, ang turo'y tayong lahat daw ay anak ng Diyos, magkapatid sa kabila ng lahi, kulay, atbp. Isa lang ang ating Diyos, or siguro sa akin, isa lang. Isa lang ang pinanggalingan - abo, hindi ba?
E bakit ganon? Walang katuturan naman ang lahat ng sinabi ko noh? Diliryo lang siguro. Ang tagal kasi ng sundo ko.
Ano ang punto ko? Di naman tungkol talaga sa kahit anong kulay o pagtingin...
Wala lang talaga kasing pambili ng toothpaste kahapon.

Introducing, the Daily Blahs

School has already started. I tried posting last 2 weeks through email but it seems that it didn't reach its destination. I wonder where that freakin' email is. Dami ko pa namang nilagay na pictures don. I tried posting last Monday too, when school started, but for some reason, the blog wasn't there. So what's up people? (yea right, as if people are visiting this)

Well, yeah, school started last week, having long breaks prove to be very boring and tiring but I'm sure it'll be put to good use come hell season. So far, I'm enjoying my classes, mainly because I still don't have a lot of requirements. Yey! Things are picking up speed though. Let's see...Cognitive Psych is quite boring, Experimental Psych...Who in the world is in his right mind to call himself "Weevens?" (But its a creative name), Industrial/Organizational Psych, more popularly known as I/O is an interesting subject, scheduled Thursdays from 6-9 PM, its an experience to have a night class. It seems to be a fun course. We took an hour to introduce ourselves and well, it's really hard to find the text book. $100 in the States?? That's 5600 pesos already! I'm taking my 2nd Theo and it's about marriage and stuff like that, my teacher is a priest who seems to have an amplifier hidden in his body somewhere...I have my first philo class under a mr. cruz who graduated recently. He's cool and well, he's one of those I think students have to watch out for. He has a friendly nature and well, uhhh... basta, enjoy naman! ahahaha

Dapat may pictures para hindi kayo ma-bore pero walang recent. I swear, goal ko makabili ng digicam para sa sarili ko ngayong pasko. Naku, wala na regalo ang ibang tao nito, or if not, sana may magbigay. wahahah i wish

Economic recession dito sa amin. And well, bankruptcy narin ata. Ay ewan.

I had my hair cut today. What? Oo, noh! 90 pesos lang. sulit. galing ni Jacky, the hairdresser!

I wore a skirt to school. What's that again?

I commuted home! Wheeee, felt great to get that exercise. Kelangan payat para sa upcoming wedding ng insan ko!!

I helped set-up 2 bulletin boards today! Hey AIESEC!

And I know you're bored so ill stop.

This is a test run. No pictures only text. Is it true? Did I just girure it out? Or? Uhhhh is it just pure luck? Hehehehe Cool pic huh? It's taken in Dela Costa Bldg's conference room. The airconditioning wasn't that cold though. Good thing's the weather was kinda on the cool side. I met our CEEDer from UK yesterday. She's Irish. Cool. Heheheh We're having dinner at Banana Leaf Curry House tonight at the Podium. Javi keeps on insisting it serves Filipino food. Great. Hahaha Since when was curry Pinoy? Never mind. Test run. 

AIESEC EB&S  

Dumb and Dumber and What the...?

heheheh

I think Im getting dumb and dumber by the minute. I've downloaded the hello thing to add pictures and I know it's supposed to be as easy as one, two three but I still can't figure it out. What in the world is wrong with me?

Anyway, I should get myself a digicam. It's really a useful tool! The dilemma? Uhhhh, cash! Where do I get it? Do I rob the bank here or the one on the next corner? Anyway, Manly is now in crisis. Business is really slow! (Pano na?) And it's really hurting not only the company but the family as well. This is bad, really bad.

I watched Shrek 2 yesterday. And (intermission muna! lang ya yang tawag ng tawag pag sinasagot, baba naman kaagad. bwiset, epal! pwede ba!!!) well, i know Mr. Menguin might read this but still, the donkey? Reminded me of him. (Bad student! hehehe take it anyway you want sir, but at least naalala kita diba? heheh) And Pinocchio was cool.

I wish I can post pictures na! Damn damn damn. I really have to figure that thing out. I will (ay putik tumawag nanaman) I will I will figure that out. The phones driving me insane. Crazy people. I'm getting stupider by the minute. hehehe

We had org tours today. We got closed down. I hate the TOURS committee. They're a bunch of fools on a power trip. Seriously. Oh well, give them their 3 days of fame.

Hay, tama na nga. I will come back with a vengeance one day and post a picture. Nainggit ako sa blog ni Roi. hahahaha ayun lang po.

I'm sick of bills. Hahaha I got a big one last month. Don't really know how it happened but I gotta pay what I gotta pay. Malabo na tlaga ako. Right now, my heart's beating fast and I'm much too hyper from all that phone ringing - whoever that person is will pay. hehehehe Lord, paki hanap naman o.

After three long years, the nice little yearbook is just about done. I'm about to sew nolasco for throwing away the hard copy, ya think that's possible? I'm planning to use shot glasses for Org Rec giveaways this year, hope all goes well. Its time I be resourceful again. Im getting stale at all this.

Im leaving. Im not sleepy but Im leaving. Hope you didnt get bored. Yeah right. Im dreamin.

Naghihintay

Naghihintay ako sa isang panahon kung kailan siguro maaaring maging totoong libre - yung tipong nararamdaman mong wala kang tali sa leeg at hinihila na tila isang alagang aso.

Malabo akong kausap. Kanina, nung nagcoconnect palang ako, hindi naman ito ang nais kong isulat at ipabasa sa inyo kung ito man ang ay inyo pang madatnan. Siguro sa dulo ng blog na ito, hindi na nakasulat sa Filipino ang inyong mababasa, wala akong pakialam, masa ang pakiramdam ko.

May mga panahong nais ko na lamang sumuko. Yung tipong gusto ko nalang magwala, o kaya yung ayaw mo na mabuhay sa realidad na araw araw e, alam mong aapihin ka nalang. Sasabihin ng iba, "basta mahanap mo si Lord, ayos na." Alam ko naman yon eh, bitter as I am, alam ko yon at alam kong naniniwala rin naman ako, kahit papaano. Mahal ako ng Diyos ko kaya nga narito pa ako at nagsisikap na maintindihan at magpaintindi sa tao. Gusto ko kasi makita nila ang ginagawa sa akin ng Panginoon pero ... ewan ko ba failure na ata ako. Isang lagpak at hamak na estudyanteng hindi alam kung papasa o pumasa na ba...

Malabo. Naghihintay ako ngayon. Saan? May magsasabing naghihintay ako sa wala. Wala nga ba? Kung tatanungin niyo ako ulit, marami akong hinihintay. Oras, marahil. Pero bakit ko hihintayin ang laging nariyan at laging tumatakbo? Malabo, Malabo kang psycho, siguro iniisip niyo. Tama, alam ko naman yon eh. Sus. Di pa naman ako tanga kahit baliw ako noh.

Marami akong problema pero pag nakakita ako ng ibang tao TALAGANG may problema, nagiging butil ng bigas nalang ang mga pangangamba ko't suliranin sa buhay. Pero, siguro nga, to each his own, hindi ba?

Sa mga araw na ito, nag-iisip ako. Pero sa totoo lang, ayoko na ngang mag-isip. Nakakaloka kasi yun eh. Yung tipong isip ka ng isip eh, leche, wala rin namang patutunguhan. Gusto ko maging "own person" ko pero lagi nalang mayroong mga impluwensiyang hindi mo maiwasan, hindi mo matanggihan dahil ano..eh ewan, mahal mo sila at ayaw mong makasakit tapos prinsipyo mo yung ayaw mong makasakit.

Alang hiya, life is a vicious cycle...but then again, sino ba tayo para maghusga kung ano dapat ang buhay diba? E sabi nga ng iba, standards lang naman yon - tao lang rin ang gumawa...problema, tao rin ang narito sa mundo na sumusunod at "umiintindi" ng mga lintik na standards na yan.

Ewan. Kelan pa ba mangyayari yung sinasabi ng AIESEC na "peace and fulfillment of mankind's potential"? Idealistic pero I chose to stay kasi kahit papaano may ideals, hindi ba? Malabo ang mundo.

Maghihintay nalang siguro ako...ng milagro. After all, I believe in God. E ikaw?

Sharing an email

School starts in a week. I still have a very very wrongly wired digestive system. Just the other day I barfed what I had for lunch the other day and it's gross because I still recognized it. Right now, I'm craving for Goldilock's brownies.

I just want to share an email I read a while ago. It aint really much but it's about partners and marriage. :)

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn't want to be
loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't
fear
marriage. Something about the closure seems
constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier
to understand for what it cuts out of our lives
than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I
did not want to make a mistake.I saw my friends
get married for reasons of social acceptability,
or sexual fever, or just because they thought it
was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as
they and their partners became embittered and
petty in their dealings with each other. I looked
at older couples
and saw, at best, mutual
toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime
of loveless nights and bickering and could not
imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such
a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old
couples who somehow seemed to glow in each

other's presence. They seemed really in love, not
just dependent upon each other and tolerant of
each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight,
and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself,
can they have survived so many years of sameness,
so much irritation at the others habits? What
keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem
unable to even stay together, much less love each
other?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well.
There is something to the claim of fundamental
compatibility. Good people can create a bad
relationship, even though they both dearly want
the relationship to succeed. It is important to
find someone with whom you can create a good
relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it
is hard to see clearly in the early
stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors
the way you see yourselves together. It blinds
you to the thousands of little things by which
relationships eventually survive or fail. You
need to find a way to see beyond this initial
overwhelming sexual
fascination. Some people
choose to involve themselves sexually and ride

out the most heated period of sexual attraction
in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of
wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side
altogether in an attempt to get to know each
other apart from their sexuality. But they
cannot
see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled

sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them
from having any normal perception of what life
would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to
become long-time friends before they realize they
are attracted to each other. They get to know

each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and
fears. They see each other at their worst and at
their best. They share time together before they
get swept up into the entangling intimacy of
their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you

fall under the spell of your sexual attraction
immediately, you need to look beyond it for other
keys to
compatibility. One of these is laughter.
Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each
others company over the long term.


If your laughter together is good and healthy,
and not at the expense of others, then you have a
healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is
the child of surprise. If you can make each other
laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if
you can always surprise each other, you can

always keep the world around you
new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no
laughter. Even the most intimate relationships
based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn
sour. Over time, sharing a common serious
viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against
those who do not share the same
viewpoint, and
your relationship can become based on being

critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with
the world in a way you respect. When two people
first get together, they tend to see their
relationship as existing only in the space
between the two of them. They find each other

endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power
of the emotions they are sharing obscures the
outside world. As the relationship ages and
grows, the outside world becomes important again.
If your partner treats people or circumstances in
a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come
to grief.Look at the way she cares for others and
deals with the daily affairs of life. If that
makes you love her more, your love will grow. If

it does not, be careful. If you do not respect
the way you each deal with the world around you,
eventually the two of you will not respect each
other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the
mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry

and practicality, and the real life of the heart
resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply
affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and
relationships, while the other is drawn only to
the literal and the practical, you must take care
that the distance does not become an unbridgeable
gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and
misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must
find them
by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of
our hearts that we will not betray and private
commitments to a vision of life that we will not
deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot
nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you
cannot nourish them in her, you will find
yourselves growing further apart until you live
in separate worlds
where you share the business
of life, but never touch each other where the
heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a
small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and
daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter
and unsatisfied with their mates.


So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will
have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and
then the real miracle of marriage can take place
in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I
speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too
strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It

is called transformation. Transformation is one

of the most common events of nature. The seed
becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the
butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes
a child. We never question these, because we see
them around us every day. To us they are not
miracles, though if we did not know them they
would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make.
Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it
begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that
will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom
will come.

If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the
bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or
for the wrong
reason, the bloom will be flawed.
We are quite willing to accept the reality of
negative transformation in a marriage. It was
negative transformation that always had me
terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared
when I was younger. It never occurred to me to
question the dark miracle that transformed love
into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable
to
accept the possibility that the first heat of
love could be transformed into something positive
that was actually deeper and more meaningful than
the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in
was the power of this passion and the fear that
when it cooled I would be left with something
lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well.
Like
negative transformation, it results from a
slow accretion of little things. But instead of
death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a
thousand touches of love. Two histories
intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate
presence, two separate consciousness come
together and share a view of life that passes
before them. They remain separate, but they also
become one. There is an expansion of awareness,
not a closure and a constriction, as I had once
feared. This is not to say that there is not
tension and there are not traps. Tension and
traps are part of every choice of life, from
celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers.
Each choice contains within it the lingering

doubt that the road not taken somehow more
fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to
the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and
expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two
have chosen, against all odds, to become one.

Those who live together without marriage can know
the pleasure of shared company, but there is a
specific gravity in
the marriage commitmentthat
deepens that experience into something richer and
more complex.


So do not fear marriage, just as you should not
rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act
of faith and it contains within it the power of
transformation. If you believe in your heart that
you have found someone with whom you are able to
grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can

resist the endless attraction of the road not

taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the
strength of heart to embrace the cycles and
seasons that your love will experience, then you
may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage
offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a
marriage well made is worth your patience. When
the time comes, a thousand flowers will
bloom...endlessly.


A lot of people talk about love and commitment and the likes. What is it really? The thought of committing to a lot of people is horrendous - at least I thought so once in my life. But I guess old age is getting to me and I learn that each day IS a commitment to live so what is there to be afraid of?

Anyway, love is and will remain something abstract to anyone and everyone no matter what the scientists will say about it. It is a feeling and will remain an emotion no matter how many hormones would answer that love is their doing.

I'm babbling. Who cares? I have tons of things to do but I choose to read all my stagnant emails. How cute could I get? Hehehe

Bye now