My Thursday Thoughts

Yet again, it's another day. Thursday to be exact. The server's pretty slow so all my emails are not coming in. Not that I mind of course. I need a mental break. It's one of those LMA (Leave Me Alone) days again. And it seems that I just need all the quiet I can get, all the alone-ness, if there ever is such a thing.

I wrote the other day on Multiply on how I wasn't being able sleep well at all. Last night was not an exception at all. I still woke up sometime around 4 or 430, went back to sleep but everything was so restless afterwards. I woke up tired and heavy headed, like i got a hangover when you have no reason to have one.

The past few days were reserved for going through memory lane. I was looking for a particular document in my CD archive (written sometime in 3rd year high school), but instead I found a bunch of old documents, pictures and songs that brought back both happy and bitter memories of my past. Ghosts, so to speak.

I enjoyed sending back some essays that my friends wrote. (I have no idea why their documents are with me...) and it was fun to see their reactions to stuff that was considered good writing before. Nats specifically went OMG! on her Bye Erap article. haha I had a blast reading about the college entrace portfolio entry she wrote though. =) And Jim is suddenly stressed because of a song he wrote. How we grow, how things change.

I had my share of memories. I found old articles that I've written and remembered what inspired me to write them. I found out I was a cheesy person (god, no!) writing poems, essays and what-not about love and heartbreak. tsk! What's that? So, I share the same reaction with Nats, OMG. + **FAINT**

Right now, my Windows Media Player is blaring old boyband era songs.. Backstreet Boys, Boyz II Men, Five, Moffatts, Hanson... Amazingly, they sound more soothing than the music I currently have. They feel familiar and they sound like I'm home. Talk about the changes in the generation! I'm sending some songs over to Shoba now. Reminiscing, reminiscing, reminiscing...

Well, tomorrow's going to be Friday, and I am pretty excited for the weekend. Not that I have anything special to do, but I think I need to sleep in. I don't know what duty I have to play this Saturday. I was supposed to panel for the AIESEC RBI this Saturday afternoon, but I have to rethink it and see if my mom needs me anywhere. Yep, you're looking at me, dutiful daughter, contrary to what people may say... Shucks, I miss tormenting people in RBI... :p

Seem to be living in the past, huh. I don't know. No matter how auti it seems, it feels good. I mean if you bring me to another state now (meaning noisy, stressful, too much conversation), I'd explode. So give me a good book to curl up with, leave me alone for a while (unless you're going to be quiet and just give me a hug- then that's welcome), and let me be...

Sigh. Silence. Bliss.

P.S: Ateneo - La Salle game later... Go Ateneo! :D

Random thoughts on a Mawnday Yawnday

I've been meaning to post something since last week. At the end (well not really) of Erap's 6-year trial, I thought it was blog worthy. But it seems I never really had enough whatever to gather all my thoughts and finish the entry.

Not that anyone's reading, but you know, it's better to write thinking you actually have an audience. haha

Anyway, the Erap trial brings back memories of Junior year in high school where we had a debate about Erap. That was the time when the impeachment just started, and out of the friendly battles we have bad with the Seniors, some teachers decided to host a debate.

Glory be. During that time, we were being "trained" by Mr. Menguin on his version of theatrics. The seniors were being coached by Mr. Blancaver. It was an odd set-up (given that Menggoy was the senior's teacher then and Blanki was supposed to teach us somewhere along the way..) Anyway, that's hardly what I want to talk about (but I still want to type it down anyway)

Ok, so what side did we get?

We were pro-erap. Good for me, I never really hated him. haha I can't remember which side I took, all I can remember I had about 15 index cards and I wasn't able to finish my speech. The judge found me amusing and awarded me for that. (see, being pa-cute gets you the best debater award. LOL) We lost the debate, (even if we scored higher in the point system - SHEESH, I DON'T KNOW WHY!)

Some lines I remember from that event:

"Well, sir/ma'am, allow me to enlighten your naive mind..."
"Does the end justify the means?" (with the crowd saying no...sabi na nga ba di nila naintindihan, sila may kasalanan kaya kami natalo!) LOL

So anyway, after 6 years, he was convicted. There was no crowd that day to be dismayed. Just a couple of supporters here and there. People have lost faith and what was going to happen, or rather, they knew he was going to be convicted. I am not saying he shouldn't be. After all, each person would actually be guilty of so and so... I just find it more comforting to side with him than the current president. The peso amazingly strengthened against the dollar in just a matter of hours from the declaration that he was guilty. The news featured more of this than anything else.

It's amazing how a former president who is said to steal all of the people's money and have lost the trust of the people be able to do that to the economy.

Beat that, Gloria. haha. I'm sure if something happened to you, the economy wouldn't notice. You're controlling that anyway! Screw the taxes. (sayang ng pera!!! baha paren sa harap ng Yale! where do my taxes go?)

Ok, so there, after all that time, I still sympathize with Erap. hehe

Next topic...

I've been thinking of studying again lately...I've made the necessary application to Ateneo...we'll see what's going to happen about that..

One funny thing that happened when I went to submit my application was seeing two people from high school. Saw Daryl and Diana Grace... it just brought back a lot of funny memories... and if I do get back to school. Oh Lord. haha

Ano ba namang buhay to? =p

Ano pa ba?

I got 2 new phones in a matter of 2 days. haha Talk about a reaction to stress...

Let me see the Samsung Z240 - up for sale! Brand new w/ 512 MB Micro SD - complete w/ 1 year warranty, smart locked, for 12k only! :D So buy it from me. Covers are changeable! (Red, Blue and White)

And then the Samsung U700 (Ultra Edition 2 12.1) - Gawd, I've been wanting this phone for months now and I finally got it when Samsung had a week-long sale. Thanks to carol for telling me about it (Now she's all envious I got it and she didn't! ) Happy happy joy joy because of new gadgets!

Hmmm...

Lemme see now, Erap, school thoughts and my gadgets...

That's my story for this Mawnday...

Later!

My Monday, My Tuesday...Drained.

It's just Tuesday. I'm feeling a little blue. Ok, that's an understatement. I'm stressed, frustrated and stressed some more.

Typical me. You'd say. Yeah, I know, I think the normal for me is to be stressed. And yes, somehow, I won't deny that. I've been acting ever so grumpily since yesterday. I came into work (yes, late, it was Monday) and all of the sudden the normal requests felt, read and sounded like demands. It was insane. Even my closest assignee was hyper and stressed out with his request to me. I snapped at him. Thank God he knew me well enough to not snap back. haha

And then yesterday just went on. I had requests and questions that seem to be just out of my control. I am suddenly thrown into a world which I know all too well. Did I not tie up the lose ends? Do I have enough time? Did I do this? Did I do that? Do I do this? Seems like each question has a different answer and it gets too quirky to answer. And it seems like even if I know I am capable, I find myself to be not capable at all. To be helpless. To be hopeless.

I never really imagined work to hit me like this. Maybe it's that time where I have the right to be cranky at anyone. But it did show me a part of myself that scared me. Despite so much control trying to be exercised, I find myself snapping at everyone who asks me a question I deem stupid or well, at people who ask me a question, I answer properly and doubt me and say, Really?

I got really pissed off at the person who told me yesterday to not put some stuff into my email. I was like, "wait, you are in no position to tell me what I can write in my emails, and they're standard for crying out loud!" Thank God Ryan confirmed my statement early this afternoon. She just shut up. See? I answered you correctly yesterday so STOP pissing me off. You and your OC friends who seem to want to control everything.

NO, MIssy... or missies? LOL Control is mine, control is ours. LOL

I'm grumpy can't you see?

It's Tuesday now. Above is a lot of ranting only probably 3 or 4 people will be able to understand. But this is my channel. So get out if you hate me.

Tuesday started with a lot of prayer. I was caught in QC traffic while I was on the jeepney and found myself praying for patience and how to get through this day...

I found myself continuing my prayer through my YM status, asking God to help me have enough courage to get me through the day.

Funny how God even made this a channel for me to share about Jesus Christ to my client who happens to be on the contact list. I will start to pray for her tonight.. :) Hope she feels the love.

So the morning flies by, career thoughts as well. A talk with a colleague reminds me of a very important thing I have to ask about w/ my superiors... I hope I gather enough courage for that as well...

So tired today.

A noisy inner self.

A stressed outward appearance.

Surprise guests on my site...

Questions.. questions...more questions...

No answers at all.

I'm out of energy.

I'm drained.