"miracles can happen to those who love the lord"

Lord,

I need a miracle. I believe you can make them happen.

BLAH

rambling

that's exactly the problem
at the back of your head , you know how i feel
you play along, maybe as a joke..
or with that little glimmer of hope that still exists,
you play along because you want to.
i said crash and burn
but ive been crashing ang burning for some time now..
and i think i'm almost about to turn to ash
and just fly away with the wind.
soon.
maybe.

---

i seem to want to tell you everything about me.
such is the comfort i get just from knowing you.

Pampalipas Oras

Minsan akala mo, simpleng laro lang.

"Tara, patintero tayo, touch-taya, cops and robbers..." o kung anu-ano pa. Ni hindi ko nga lubos na masigurado kung alam pa ng mga bata yung mga larong yan. Napaglipasan na ata ako ng panahon.

Noong isang araw lang, may kasama akong mga kaibigan. Kinukwento nya sa akin yung pinsan niyang nakita ko nung bata pa siya. Ngayon 14 na, may nalalaman nang mga EB, EB sa mga chatroom. Matanda na ako. Pero mas matanda parin si ate, si kuya, si nanay at si Lord.

Hindi simple ang buhay. Kahit gustuhin mo pa man na gigising ka lang sa umaga, magtotoothbrush, maliligo, maghihilamos, magbibihis at gagawa ng kung anu-anong bagay ang nasa agenda mo, maraming nangyayari. Maaaring mawalan ng sabon, toothpaste, shampoo, magkaroon ng kaagaw ng sasakyan na jeep.. Lahat.

Maraming pwedeng mangyari.

May isang bagay na pinasok ko na akala ko laro-laro lang. Pampalipas oras lang sana. Pero ayon, may nangyare. Simple lang naman nangyare eh. Nag-enjoy ako sa paglalaro. And I thought it was real life. Lintik na sa pagka-inarte naman ng blog entry na to! ano ba yon! :p

So hanggang ngayon, ganon paren. Laro. Like it was real life. Or maybe now, ito nga ang real life.

Sa buhay, maraming pwedeng mangyari.

Tulad nito.

Di na ko tumigil sa pagpalipas ng oras.

Communist Manifesto via Disney

想到你

每次想到你就覺得有些孤單。

waaaaaaaaahhh

I'm not feeling so well today.
Came to work with a bad tummy and it still hasn't gone away.
I want to sleepppp but there's that Hillsong United Concert later that cannot be missed!
So tired, wanna go hibernate for like... just a whole day.
Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh painful tummy :(

友情

我說了， 有你的友情就好。
因爲你對我很重要，
我有了你的友情就好。
太好了。

differences

Suddenly, just this morning
There was a difference between
being worth waiting for and
simply just, merely,
being worth it.

And that's exactly what it is,
worth it.

but not worth waiting for.

anymore.

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stolen from cathy's blog - or borrowed?? hehe

I got this entry from Cathy's Blog actually. hahaha With permission, I am reposting it...Simply because, it makes sense to me. :D

he keeps missing out... she throws him hints all over the place but he just doesn't get it... or maybe he does but he's too stubborn to do anything about it... she looks at him and hopes that it would be enough to make him understand just what is happening.. everybody knows how hooked she is... he knows he's the only one who can do that... but for some reason he just doesn't get it completely... he unknowingly and unintentionally toys with her feelings... and he's getting away with it... she breaks her own rules but he still doesn't get it... he just doesn't get it... he comes and go as he pleases...


might as well disappear...

-*-

sometimes you just want to send an message by mistake, just to see how the person would react. if the person would even react at all!

you think up crazy little antics just so you can figure out if there's a little concern for you in those blue veins running along his body. even a teensy weensy bit.

you flash a smile here and there, and maybe there would be a twinge of envy that would make the person think, "hey, those are reserved for me..."

you talk of other people just to catch a glimmer of selfishness in his eyes that says "hey!!!"
indignantly...

you do a lot of little things...little things to catch just a speck of attention.

but in the end, nothing.

stilness.

silence.

win lose or draw

i don't know whether you care if it's a win, lose or draw.
i don't know whether you care at all.
i don't think so.

but i do anyway.

boo!

out of boredom and the head up that i will be swamped in work after chris is fully transitioned in her Singapore work, I decided to read all my previous blog entries and well reminisce. (omg, did i spell this right?) Ok. It was more of boredom.

Two years worth of blog writing, ranting, creative juice and whatnot. I cannot help but laugh or shake my head at what I have written. I cannot help but remember those memories and those times when I just rambled anything that came to mind, just like today.

I've written a couple of stuff the past few months, scattered over my multiply, this blog, my LJ and a hard notebook here and there.

Dunno. Maybe reading 2 years worth of work will encourage me to blog more in the recent times.

Hmmm just some stuff.. these past few days may have been confusing with WIN:LOSE:DRAW 1:2:1 but happy nonetheless :) bliss. haha

我傻傻方你的照片在我電腦裏面。。。
傻傻的。。。

thoughts of gratitude...

Dear .................,

Never did it cross my mind that the words "I think you need a good cry..." in just an ordinary text message would somehow bring me back to my feet and made me so touched that all the good emotions in my heart overflowed..

Yeah. A little bit overboard for a discription. But really. All I can say is a simple "Thank You..." but in case you are able to read this, you just have to know that you actually restored my faith that life would turn out to be ok, and that I life goes on.

I did cry the next day, you know... Yeah, I think I told you that... And it made me feel all the more better. I cried to my dad... knowing you probably would have the shock of your life if I cried to you. But nonetheless, it was good, sane advise and thank you for that...

Basta lang.

I'm touched.

Thank you with all the gratitude in my heart.

No words can compensate for it.

I hope one day, you would allow me to repay the 'favor'

:)

parang awa mo na

wag mo na akong iyakan...
wag mo na akong sigawan...

di ko naman kasi kasalanan.
ikaw rin naman pumasok sa sarili mo sa gulo
nagalit ka.
di mo matanggap.

wag mo sakin ilabas.
napapagod na rin ako.

tama na.
parang awa mo na.

thank you

i just want to thank that person who was ever so supportive (and also logical) last saturday. what you did won't be forgotten. :)

"做人的道理。。。"

How in the world do I translate this to English? Something like, "How to be a person"...
Mother complains that the relatives don't have this rule in their lives, that they don't know how to be a person. Is it simply because they didn't listen (or rather follow) to her requests (a.k.a orders) or simply because she felt very betrayed?

She didn't show up at her own son's wedding. Now, is that how to be a person? Personally, I do understand her principles and her stand and her rights and all of that. She is hurt, she has given so much for this son. A little payback wouldn't hurt. There was payback... problem is payback wasn't what she wanted.

And trying to get everyone to her side became a goal more than anything. It's enough that she has proven her point but why drag other people with her? Validation maybe? Or what?

I grew up in a very demanding environment. A lot of people thought it was martial law in our home. All I can say? "Semi." I can say I grew up in a very different environment, that is for sure... My mother playing a very big role in my life ever since. My father passed away when I was quite young, 12.. so in the formative years of my life, it was my mom, always my mom. I have seen her hurt, seen her happy and all the others... but likewise, I have seen my siblings hurt, seen them happy...

I try to put myself in the middle... Taking a stand especially if they conflict isn't the easiest thing to do. One is your mother, the others, your siblings. You get me. I guess this is why I easily get frustrated in family fights... I am still idealist this way. I want everything peaceful. I want everything to be in harmony.

Dream on.

I just wish everything will turn out ok, eventually...

So tired.

8-15 Lunar Calendar
Should be a day of gathering
Right.

Wait for the Lord,
Be strong and let your heart take courage,
Yes, wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:14

I waited patiently for the Lord;
And he inclined to me and heard my cry.
Psalm 40:1

invisible tears down my cheeks...

staying

There seems to be a lack of space for creative or even critical writing in my blogs these days. And today's entry is neither. It's a plain and simple rant, rave, update about my life.
For the past two months, I have been turning thoughts in my head over and over again just to come to the decision whether or not I should take my scholarship in China and leave for a year or simply continue pursuing job applications that almost drove me crazy.
Not that there were rejections left and right, I had my share of rejecting offers as well. Tangina, sigurista, fresh graduate pero I wanted to get a job that I felt was right to start on. Other friends have already started and it seems that you're the only one left behind. It was crazy. Parang nakakaiyak nalang araw-araw.
But here I am now, finally decided.
I will stay.
Why?
Much to the dismay of the Department of Foreign Affairs, and soon, my Chinese class professors at Ateneo, I have decided to stay. Gave up a once in a lifetime opportunity for a full scholarship in Beijing Language and Culture University simply because it "didn't feel right." For the people reading this who want to kill me now, please feel free to do so (through comments please and not literally). But then, that was what it was, it didn't feel right. Leaving simply left so much of a burden on my heart, not to mention a big whole in the pockets of my mom and siblings since I simply "NEEDED" an upgrade in my accomodations because I can't and will not stand for a communal bathroom that is shared throughout the floor of the dorm.
Many may be thinking, "arte talaga ng babaeng to..." I heard from a source that someone actually reacted "I never thought Cha was high maintenance" when this person heard of my bathroom dilemma. But I simply couldn't. As "ko-boy" or as "game" as I may be in my groups, there are limits when it comes to living away from home and well the first thing is basically a clean bathroom in the room where at least I can have a bit of privacy.
Don't you think I have a point?
So there, I am not leaving. Staying, yes.
For the people who rocked my world and helped me out through my decision making process, thank you so much for being supportive and critical of the stuff that surrounded the decision. I will find the courage to thank you all personally soon but for now, thank you. :) And to everyone else, thanks for simply being there. You're presence, whether online or personal is enough to keep me going.
For now, my train of thought is broken. But my message is sent. I am not leaving (for the people who wished i left, malas niyo nalang) and thanks for everything.
Later dear friends.

ANNOUNCEMENT:

JUBILEE BATCH '02
YEARBOOK IS OUT ALREADY!

THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

IT CAN NOW BE PICKED UP AT THE
E.RODRIGUEZ CAMPUS

"coming out day"

like someone who wants to check if the rain outside is finally over,

i tentatively take a step forward,

towards the door,

finally pushing it,

to take a little peek...

sunshine?

i can't believe it.

i look again...

sunshine?

you must be joking!?!

but another look says, indeed it was bright and the sun is shining.

i take another step,

half my body out now

no rain.

just some damp ground starting to bake in the sun.

another foot out...

ok...

i take a deep breath

let's go.

it's not everyday that sunshine comes to visit.

sabi ni adele magsulat ako...
ok sige.. haha wala namang masama sa pagsusulat eh..
usually, if i feel bad, i put it in writing anyway..
but today... or rather for the past few days...
ive felt so bad...
i just want to say nothing. :(

sabi ni adele magsulat ako...
ok sige.. haha wala namang masama sa pagsusulat eh..
usually, if i feel bad, i put it in writing anyway..
but today... or rather for the past few days...
ive felt so bad...
i just want to say nothing. :(

ok na sana kung narito ...

ramblings

I'm not sure if anyone still attempts to visit this blog since my posting schedule has always been very erratic. I skip from one blog to another. sometimes in my LJ sometimes in my multiply but today is a writing day... and I can't help but share to whoever you are who will stumble upon this one day...

Today, i woke up with a very heavy heart. My mind was full of playbacks of the 12 hour chinese movie marathon I had yesterday with my mom. It was crazy. It was as if I was wishing to be transported to the world of that movie... so that proves it, too much TV is bad for your health.

Anyway, that's beside my point. So there I was, doing my morning routine (which includes, reading the paper, lounging around, walking, louging around, brushing my teeth, washing my face, lounging around, semi conversations with God while doing all that...) my mind was wandering or rather swimming in crazy thoughts... I was tired (but I slept for like 9 hours) and I just felt like I wanted to drop dead wherever i was (my bed, where I was lounging. heheh)

It seemed like a super bad day... the only comforting part of it were the clouds... it meant rain and it meant that somewhere out there, there's a God waiting to comfort me with the sound of rain or at least the cool breeze that comes with it...So yun.. but everytime nangyayare mga ganon... may surprise si God sakin..

an email here, a call there... a sudden discovery that i wrote a lot of poems in 1998++ or my high school years.. i had fun realizing that I was a sappy high school kid once and Im now a college grad who's sometimes too pressured to look for "that perfect job" that I can't see the bright things in life...

I just hope that God opens the way.. he has told the person who touched his cloak that with her faith, she is healed.. hopefully, it's like that too for me..with my faith, i will be healed and guided towards success.. :)

taking a mindanao vacation!

And it's time for the much awaited trip to Zamboanga. It's my first time to go to Mindanao - Yipee!　At least after this I can say that I've been to at least one place in each of the major islands in the Philippines. :)

Well, the family's kinda paranoid - my mom is rather. I know she's just taking precautions about telling her siblings how to execute stuff in CASE something happens... *faint* but you can never feel so secure in such an environment. Anyway, in the spirit of the moment, (Lord, I don't want this to happen) I don't have much stuff to leave anyway so my stuff, my friends, my good friends, take good care of my stuff. I love ya all. Thanks for taking care of me and putting up with me.

BUT and well, I know I will come back safe, Thank you paren and well, please continue taking care and putting up with me. hahaha

Hmmm, what else? We'll be staying in this place called SkyPark Hotel, where I hear is at the Center of the city. We're not staying at my parents' honeymoon place (Lantaka) since it's full but we might visit anyway and tease my sister since she was probably made there. hahhaha

I'm actually excited to go not because I can set foot on Mindanao but I heard there's lots of stuff from Malaysia and other countries coming into Zamboanga and they're probably cheap - so yey happy happy happy. I love em ethnic clothes. hahah wheee..

So there, wishing you guys all the best for the next four days (see, sandali lang, Im sure di nyo pa ko mamiss non haha). Do pray for our safety and an enjoyable trip. Stories and pictures to follow once I come back. :D

revisiting the past..

This may sound more like a jimson blog than mine..but what else can you do if you have all the time in your hands nowadays?

A visit to Ateneo to finally claim my lab breakage and have lunch with some friends pushed through today. I saw Sir Bobby Guev walking towards Dela Costa and waved. He still remembered my name, "Hi Cha." He shouts out, 'ano nang ginagawa mo ngayon,' and I say, "Sir, bum" and he goes, "tama yan, enjoy mo muna."

Spoken like a true comforting theology teacher. I hated him at first but it turns out one of his lectures would change my life forever.

Anyway, that's besides the point actually. After some lunch and ice cream, I came home and thought about what I was going to do. Basically, the answer is NOTHING. So, I looked around and found an old CD I haven't really seen in about 4 years so I decided to give it a try and by george, it still works!

The CD was the souvenir of our graduation ball. Entitled 'Through The Years," it showed pictures and video clips of stuff that we did from Pre-school to High School. And well, I wasn't so sure how to react. Any normal person would cry, I guess. My mind was actually racing, where was I in these events? My mind was thinking, "I knew I took part in these events, but where was I?"

I realized that high school flew by. There was Pilgrim's Progress where the whole batch goes "eyes have not seen, and ears have not heard..." There was the 3rd year cheering competition... There was Jeco, singing in the chapel (who looked very comfortable. haha) There was Jim and there was Billy, both lighter than they were now... There was the retreat where we all complained why we can't go out of town like everybody else... there was, there were a lot of events.

And we all looked pretty happy and satisfied. We all looked young. we all looked innocent. Those were the days. I know I haven't seen many of my batchmates since we graduated from high school, and I was shocked by the memories that were awakened at the sight of the people in the video. People trading cell phone numbers (cell phones with antennas still being the trend), people hugging, people crying, people jumping up and down the chapel as if it was just any home.

Time flies fast. On a personal note, I remember creating the Epistles thing for the batch. Not that I'm taking credit for it of course, but it was an inspiration to all of us who organized it. The painstaking ways of keeping it secret and uniform, the people who didn't get who they wanted to sponsor, and well, the 'forced sponsor' to bond people or mend gaps between them. I miss doing things like that...writing letters to friends and non-friends (acquaintances fine) and think of the good things (and bad things) that you can say about them. It was a fun channel of communication and I was happy that we were able to do that...

High school was such a nice memory. Growing up with those people was such an experience that i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Yeah, our school grounds may have been rough but the collectiveness that we have found in our small batch of people every time there was a basketball game or an event to be performed is priceless.

:)

college is over - and so it sank in

college is over. has been over for around 3 months now. work has been occupying other friends' schedules; while classes have started again for others...

and where am i?

home! hahaha

sometimes you wake up and you enjoy the long catnap you just took. and think of something like "omg!record breaker, 12 hours today?" but then you think again, and realize you've been enjoying so much of sleeping that well, it's probably about time to stop sleeping and eating and start thinking of getting to work as well.

the pressure has been great. the company's not doing well. my mom's not taking it so lightly and well, it seems like manly has no where to go but towards closing.. 30 years.. it must be painful for her..so there, charissa ching is suddenly thrown into a world where she has to find a job - not that i wanted to stay in manly anyway. but well, with it doing not so 'wow' then well, the persistent whisper is like "go get a job, why did u take up psych anyway, why didn't you take accounting para you can work in a bank."

*FAINT*

there is actually no other thing to do but that *faint* even my brother has gotten me into these bro-sis talks wherein he gets to say, "so what are your plans" i don't know if its the lack of focus or just the fact that im willing to be thrown anywhere (except call centers and such - cmon the ateneo education will be wasted. hehe) and experience new things...

i guess it really is time to get out of this im a bum thing and start waking up earlier.

we'll see. yawn.

just another day

what's there to write...

been a boring day...

woke up, tried fixing my clothes in the cabinet
set aside clothes for my taiwan trip
came down to the office at 3...

just in time to feel sad and lonely and crappy
whatever you may want to call it.
gawd, let me out of here.

now taiwan doesn't look exciting anymore...
there's a play to prepare for.
(which i worry about but right now i just want to push it out of my mind)
there's a song to sing
(wa-ter-me-lon time)
there's this tug-of-war between happy and sad about the date of my return.
(you go figure, or ask cathy, she knows)
but then again, there's this thing about it,
that behind all those freakazoid non-leadership skill filled rehearsals and practices and orientations
i will get to see a new land...
something experimental...

i just wish i get this heavy feeling out of me...
nothing's falling apart, mind you
it's weird. i think everything's fine...

i'm simply worried..
the trip, the rehearsals, my uncle, finding work, earning money, buying that freakin nice cam from the states...too many things...

on the other hand i should be happy...
i got the complete calvin and hobbes collection from my cuzin (uh-uh, no touch for you)

and i got new shoes...

now, tell me, why in the world am i moping?

You Are The Emperor

You are an authority figure, and other people look to you for what to do. You are strong and powerful. Crossing you is not a good idea. You have worked hard to get to your position, and you're not about to give it up to anyone. Though you have a warrior heart, you are gentle to those who treat you well. Your fortune: In the near future, you need to be willing and able to defend those you love. This may be the time for you to step up and be the authority figure to those around you. It is time for you to be independent, to become your own person. You may need to look at your relationship with your father, or your relationships as a father.

What Tarot Card Are You?

keeping mouth and eyes shut

I think it's either I learn to shut up
Think before I talk (I seem to do less of that lately)
Or just try to cover my eyes
As not to see whatever it is I notice
Or not to express whatever it is I feel

if you're a friend, do help me in this effort.
agh.

today.

I went to visit the guidance office today... for the 2nd time this week. No, there really isn't a problem. I just went for my routine interview for school and stuff like that. The 1st time, I was late...

Anyway, here's my story for the day... I do hope I'll be able to deliver it well...

My counselor's name was Icy or so that was what I think she was called. She didn't really introduce herself to me formally... She just told me to sit and interpreted some of my tests. Being a psychology major, dodging questions was something we somehow perfected as a skill in our four years of study. But nonetheless, she told me things about my previous tests, my personality, how I adapt to people, how I work...

She said I trust people who are consistent, and reveal only a little of myself until I feel that a person is consistent enough to be there. She said I want so much to be in control but all the control can be bent at the feeling of security and again, consistency. She said I was only half extroverted and that I was a disorganized person...she said I would like work as long as there was variety... ALL TRUE... Why wouldn't they be when they're simply reflections of how I answered the questions in the battery of tests they gave me...

Sadly, despite the diverse nature of my persona, there remains the other part of it.. the dark side which no one seems to see. the side which i myself try to keep away from... I really don't have a point... or maybe i do, it's either i just don't want to say it or i just want you to find out...if you even care to do so...

Anyway, that visit's over, the interpretations done... i just hope maybe that in the same way that a big chunk of me was revealed to myself, i could reveal myself to others... my strengths as well as my deficiencies...

yeah, yeah, im not in a happy mood...u figured, huh?

thoughts right now:

I'm drowing
Save me.

I'm tired.
Cradle me.

I'm crying.
Console me.

I'm scared.
Comfort me.

I'm stoic.
Provoke me.

...all those and others as well..

CAEDMON'S CALL lyrics

not a good day

I had an Iced Raspberry Mocha today at Seattle's. Something to feel better with. Sometimes, I begin to think that coffee has a worse effect on me than alcohol. Now, I feel strange...like I was high on something and at the same time it's making me all the more sluggish. I'm not awake, I'm sleepy. I'm dead tired. My mind is filled with so much stuff I just want to try to pour it out of a bucket. Nothing seems to be going right. Whatever right means... I guess that's life for me, or maybe that's what other people would say.

On the way to Seattle's a while ago and McDonald's too, some kids were asking for money. Ate, ate, pahingi ng barya. Jeco wanted to throw them over the bridge, I had to admit, they were irritating as hell. And today wasn't one of those days that you could take pity on kids who ask for money and curse you behind your back if you don't give them anything. They're poor, sure I understand that, but I wish the government would care enough to try to control it. What are their parents doing? I'm always so tempted to ask them. Maybe you're beginning to think I'm someone who doesnt give a damn about these kids, actually, I do, I wouldn't mind giving them money if they tried making an effort to ask for it. Some kids for example, sell sampaguita or banana-q. Those kids I dont mind, but those you see sniffing rugby on the sidewalk then run up to you as if you owe them, I think that's wrong. And seeing them today doesn't really give me a feeling of comfort.

It wasn't really a good day.

blah.

Your Inner Blood Type is Type B

You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day. Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable. And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success. You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible. You are most compatible with: B and AB Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio and

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

Leonardo di Caprio and ? (Who?!?!)
I'm a Type B in reality, but i don't like leo. haha
God, I should be studying

trivia LaFFtriP

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Charissa!

1. The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr Charissa Head.
2. While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as Charissa.
3. Over half of Americans are officially Charissa.
4. Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's Charissa supply.
5. The book of Esther in the Bible is the only book which does not mention Charissa.
6. Fifty-two percent of Americans drink Charissa!
7. Charissa can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour!
8. The opposite sides of Charissa always add up to seven!
9. Charissa is the traditional gift for a couple on their third wedding anniversary.
10. Charissa kept at the window will keep vampires at bay.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

There's a flicker in your eyes,
That I'd want to catch.
A fire in your soul,
That burns at touch.
Your silence
Consumes others.
But a mystery envelopes you
Always elusive,
Always unknown...

i think ill die in journalism, and starve in sociology, so let's get the next best thing and hope for the best. go psych. hehe You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing. Journalism 100% Sociology 92% Psychology 92% Linguistics 83% English 83% Theater 83% Anthropology 75% Philosophy 75% Biology 75% Chemistry 67% Mathematics 58% Engineering 42% Art 33% Dance 25% What is your Perfect Major? created with QuizFarm.com

round and round and...

umiikot nanaman ang mundo
nakakahilo

sisigaw na sana ako
'Tama NA! tumigil ka na...'

pero di ko magawa
pagkat alam kong di naman kaya

kaya eto nanaman ako
nahihilo. Litong-lito.

dahil umiikot ang mundo