A Letter For One Who Cannot Read It Anymore...

The tree is up once again, still with its mismatched blinking lights and now tilted figure...Yes, daddy, the tree is up once again. I guess it'll be a disappointment for you to know that we don't set it up anymore...We have long given up on it...giving plenty of excuses. The maids do it for us now. They spruce up the tree and try to make the house look cheery and normal. I think the last time we set up a tree as a family was when you were still here with us. Do you remember getting mad on your last Christmas because we didn't want to set-up the tree? We claimed that it wasn't worth celebrating because of what's happening, but you insisted. Yeah, pa, I think that was the last time...

Times have changed, I realized. Or maybe, WE have changed.

Today's achi's birthday, she's thirty already, and single. It's a big deal for mommy of course, you would know that...But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about...Ahia and I went last minute shopping yesterday...Haha...just the way you always do it...We still remember how ma gets mad at you because she says you don't put much thought in your gift buying...I doubt it's true..

I'm guilty, pa...

'Cause unlike you, even if you're a last minute shopper, I know that you put thought and love and care in each gift that you pick for us. Even if it's the last minute, at least, you remember ALL THE OCCASIONS, ALL THE TIME...Yeah, I do feel guilty...

Because I forget the occasions and they just don't seem very important anymore. Yesterday, I was almost decided to get achi a plain birthday cake...My bad since I was thinking of such a common gift as if she's not special at all. It felt right to just go with a "bahala na" decision and I have a thousand excuses for it...I could say that I didn't have time or maybe I didn't have the money to get a decent gift or whatever...

But then somethin suddenly hit me--YOU. or rather one of your notes to ahia before. Ma was cleaning up the 2nd floor again, cursing you for your trash as always (never hers hehe) and suddenly, while going through old stuff, an old Rustan's card popped out wherein you wrote...

To my Son,

Happy Valentines Day.

Love from,

Papa

It hit dad, badly. It made me think of how we have changed since you've gone. It made me think of how somehow I've managed to degrade such precious things in our family before...Seven years ago, despite all the troubles and quirks, everything somehow was filled with spirit, now, I think we're just staying just for the sake of declaring that there is still a family...somewhere...

What has happened daddy?

I am lost...